I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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