brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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