I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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