i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
