OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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