I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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