Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Did I show you my penis last night?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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