I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
