Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
