the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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