first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
