wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
