omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
