I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he thought i was a dude.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
