I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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