also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
