is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
