This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
