Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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