yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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