my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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