if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
