she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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