I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
