I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
