Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
