i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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