So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
