I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
