Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
