that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you inspire me to be a worse person
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
