You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
