wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
