The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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