and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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