booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
