it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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