I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
