You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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