Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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