That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
