either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
