fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
