Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
