Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
