Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
