I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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