i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
