she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
