Got a toothbrush?
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
