I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
