You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
