I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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