I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
